Confessions of A Prodigal Son

I was sifting through some files in my computer, when I found a Notepad document that I wrote last January 9, 2011. It was a set of personal notes/applications on Psalm 65:11-13, taken from different versions of the Bible. Here are some of them:

"This year, the Lord will make me see His goodness." (verse 11a, NKJV)

"My life's direction, though difficult, will be blessed." (verse 11b, NLT)

"Even in the wilderness, I will be provided for." (verse 12a, NLT)

"My trials/mountains will be a cause for joy." (verse 12b, NLT)

"Many will come and graze and be God's sheep." (verse 13a, ESV)

"Many hearts will be touched by His word..." (verse 13b, ESV)

"...and they will praise His name." (verse 13c, ESV)

"...and they will worship joyfully." (verse 13c, NASB)

The passage was given at a church as a word from the Lord for the year 2011. I don't know about you, but 2011 has not been the happiest of years for me; in fact, 2011 was the year I was almost always unhappy. So I tried to do things that I thought would make me happy. And of course those didn't work out that well for long, because I was looking for temporary things. I will always be thirsty, but I was drawing water from a lot of jars, and not from the deep well that my God had made available even from the start. Now, I'm back at square one, a week from 2012.

Looking back (cliché as it is), the Lord really made me see His goodness; I was just too self-centered to notice Him. Here are some of His blessings and/or testimonies of His goodness this year:

January

1. I had a new pair of shoes that’s very comfortable for walking long hours.

2. God enabled us to finish processing our clerkship elective papers in a week.

3. God enabled us to do a hand-mime ministering to the leaders of our university.

4. We survived a vehicle crash without injuries at all.

5. I was invited to a friend’s birthday celebration, hence a free and sumptuous dinner.

6. God still enabled me to attend the biannual gathering of students from different Christian organizations from different medical schools in our region.

February

1. God promised me that “Everything’s gonna be all right,” in the light of toxic subjects and news of a week’s worth of make-up classes to be done at the same time, and I became at peace.

2. God enabled me to study for our rotation in the department of OB-Gyn, and I enjoyed it.

3. God enabled me to buy a new good-sounding acoustic guitar.

4. God enabled us to make our female classmates happy (or at least laughing out loud) by dancing a boy-band song.

5. God enabled us to sing in a wedding of a terminally ill cancer patient.

March

1. God enabled me to go to (and lead) my first prayer-walk around the university campus.

2. God reminded me of His promise, “I have marked every day of this year for you; be expectant!”

3. God enabled me to buy a new mobile phone when my old one broke down.

4. God sent a man to fix my laptop when it broke down, and I got it back with all my files intact.

5. God enabled us to sing a song about passion for God in a gathering of Christian students in our university.

6. God kept His promise regarding my make-up classes and the overlapping schedules; everything became all right.

7. God enabled me to take and answer my end-of-the-year exams with little time to study and a year’s worth of weariness.

April

1. God enabled me to pass my end-of-the-year exams; either that or He enabled to get passing marks in all my subjects that year.

2. God enabled us to finish and publish the last (or at least my last) issue of a church youth newsletter.

3. I had time to rest, think things over and sort them out.

4. God enabled me to buy a new external hard-drive.

5. God still enabled me to meet up and catch up with some friends.

6. God enabled me to be with my family in time for celebrating my sister’s graduation from college.

7. I was given a new mobile phone with a post-paid monthly plan.

8. God enabled us to travel to a southern province of the country and work with a missions hospital for our month-long clerkship elective, not to mention meet new friends and mentors, and eat lots of free food.

9. God enabled me to learn a new language (or at least some part of it).

10. I learned to appreciate and sing Christian hymns, and sing them to patients admitted in the hospital.

May

1. I witnessed and learned that a good doctor takes an extra mile of his time to talk with, encourage, pray for, and even mourn for/grieve with his patients/their relatives.

2. God anointed my successor in the leadership of a Christian organization.

3. God enabled us to lead some younger medical students in ministering to the patients in the hospital.

4. God enabled me to experience rock-climbing and rappelling for the first time.

5. God enabled me to rest and recharge myself before the start of the dreaded clerkship year.

June

1. God enabled me to write my elective reflection paper as a testimony of God’s goodness.

2. God enabled me to help out in our organization’s welcome activity for the incoming freshmen.

3. God made me realize that I still have a lot to learn about asking for forgiveness and releasing forgiveness.

4. I had kind and patient interns to guide me during the first days as a clerk.

5. God enabled us to learn the basics of clerkship, and by the fourth day I was able to laugh about it.

6. God reminded me that He is my support and shield in times of distress.

7. God still enabled me to meet with friends and rant about what I was going through.

July

1. I had good resident doctors on our team who taught me things that I would not have guessed to be that valuable for me on the next day’s morning endorsement rounds.

2. God enabled us to survive our first month-long hospital rotation as medical clerks.

3. God enabled us to adjust faster in our next rotation because of the training of sorts in the previous rotation.

4. God continued to rescue me in small ways through every single day that passed by.

5. I still had time to rest, and to study for an upcoming exam.

August

1. God sent friends and family from everywhere to talk with me, encourage me, and pray for me during the times that I was away from Him; actually, in spite of me driving away from Him.

2. God enabled us to rotate in hospital departments that had relatively less demanding schedules, meaning relatively more rest.

3. God enabled me to be reconciled with a friend, and start our friendship anew.

4. God enabled us to sing and get first place in a singing contest within our college.

5. I enjoyed my rotations in the departments of ORL (ENT) and Orthopedics.

September

1. God reminded me that no one is able to stand against Him, that I had no claim against Him that He must pay, and that everything under heaven belongs to Him.

2. God still enabled me to attend another gathering of students from different Christian organizations from different medical schools in our region.

3. God enabled me to worship Him again, singing from my heart.

4. God reminded me that blessings follow obedience, like water from an ever-present source.

5. God kept me and my family safe during the typhoons that hit the country.

October

1. God sent brothers and sisters in Christ to talk with me, encourage me, and pray for me during my times of depression and hopelessness.

2. God asked me, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” when I forgot how great He is.

3. I realized that what I was missing (or at least a part of it) was fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ.

4. God enabled me to buy a fourth-generation iPod Touch.

5. I turned 24 this year.

6. God sent friends and family from everywhere for me to celebrate my birthday with me.

7. God allowed me to have something that I wanted so badly, which was not yet meant for me, at a time when I was not as blatantly rebellious against Him as I was before, so that I can think things through more properly.

November

1. God orchestrated it so such that I got to work with brothers and sisters in Christ in the first days of my rotation in the department of Pediatrics.

2. I had kind and patient residents, pre-residents, and interns to work with in the midst of clerkship in Pediatrics.

3. God sent friends to give me tidbits of happiness, such as delicious food and drink, in times of depression.

4. God enabled me to let go of something I have craved before the right time, and set things right.

5. I realized at the end of it all that God orchestrated it so such that friends and mentors were always within my reach, encouraging me and praying for me, so that I was never alone even if it seems that way.

6. God rescued me from myself when I wanted to get out the easy way.

7. God enabled me to finish my rotation in the department of Pediatrics, even though I was breaking down in frustration and depression.

December

1. I had time to rest at last, and freedom away from the daily grind of hospital work.

2. God enabled us to do another hand-mime as a presentation in the annual variety show in our college.

3. God enabled me to join in pre-Christmas and birthday dinners with friends and family.

4. God enabled me to go home and spend time with my family.

5. God enabled me to meet with long-time friends and catch up with them, so that I now know how to pray for them.

6. God enabled me to spend time in fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ, just resting in awe of His creation around us.

7. God enabled me to see His goodness again, and worship Him again.

These are only what I can remember, and some that I gathered from what I posted on Facebook at that time. Knowing God, who is the same God we read in the Bible, there’s more to this than what I have listed above. My 2011 had been a blessed year indeed; I was just too proud to admit it. Hmm. Come to think of it, maybe I should do this more often, listing blessings. Makes me realize how much of them I have neglected because I was too busy wallowing in my own puddle of self-pity and bitterness.

Going back to my notes on Psalm 65, I had been in a spiritual wilderness for the longest time of my life this year - disobeying God, doubting God, driving away from God. I was arrogantly shouting at Him, treating the God of the universe like a mere man. I know He can see what’s really in my heart, so I didn’t bother hiding my claims against Him. But He just kept quiet, and kept on loving me - providing for me, protecting me, reminding me of His promises. I was really provided for, and I knew it was Him, as always; even then I will grudgingly admit that. So far it was true.

But here's something that really struck me dumb: "My trials/mountains will be a cause for joy." What?! Seriously, a cause for joy? I feel as though I have been through hell this year, and He said that that “hell” is a cause for joy? But then, I was looking at happiness, not joy. Happiness is a positive feeling because of things happening around me. Joy, on the other hand, is a hopeful willful against-all-odds kind of optimism despite things happening around me. Hmm. I was listing the blessings I mentioned above, reading through lots of Facebook posts on my webpage, when I saw an excerpt from a message that I quoted, and the answer hit me:

‎"...There is nothing that this world can throw at you that can shake you out of the hand of God... And HIS GRACE IS BIG ENOUGH AND STRONG ENOUGH to hold on to you through it all and to bring you through it all and TO BRING YOU TO THE VERY END OF IT ALL STILL LOVING HIM AND REJOICING IN HIS GOODNESS - EVEN IN THE DARKNESS. And you can trust Him tonight..."

- Louie Giglio, Indescribable

Like - Comment - April 20 at 10:46pm

God’s grace is big enough to bring me to the very end every trial and to the very end of this year still loving Him and rejoicing in His goodness – even if I’ve been through so much darkness. And that was what made my trials a cause for joy. Not a cause for happiness. A cause for joy. Not because I surpassed them all (in fact, I think I failed in all of them), and not even because I am still alive at the end of it all. My trials are a cause for joy because if not for them, which made my year very hellish indeed, I would not rejoice in God’s goodness as much as I rejoice in Him now. I would not have known and experienced for myself how deep and how wide and how great God’s love is for me – a love that is every bit of what is described in the Bible. A merciful love. A just love. A holy love. And so now, every time I doubt or fail to appreciate how much God loves me, I may be reminded (or other people may remind me) of the year 2011, and how much He has loved me, and how far He was willing to go to love me.

I have much to be thankful for. I have been so ungrateful. I have trampled on You and Your blessings when I should have bowed down and worshipped You, even as my tears flood around me. I have been rebellious and proud. I have abused Your grace. I have been foolish to challenge Your authority. In Your light, the darkness of my heart is shown for what it is. I cannot hide anything from You. And in Your presence, I bow down and tremble. Forgive me.

Father… I’m home.

Psalm 18

…Of David the servant of the LORD. He sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul…

 1 I LOVE YOU, O LORD, MY STRENGTH.

 2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 

   my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. 

   He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 

3 I CALL TO THE LORD, WHO IS WORTHY OF PRAISE, 

   AND I AM SAVED FROM MY ENEMIES.

 4 The cords of death entangled me; 

   the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. 

5 The cords of the grave coiled around me; 

   the snares of death confronted me. 

6 IN MY DISTRESS I CALLED TO THE LORD; 

   I CRIED TO MY GOD FOR HELP. 

FROM HIS TEMPLE HE HEARD MY VOICE; 

   MY CRY CAME BEFORE HIM, INTO HIS EARS.

 7 The earth trembled and quaked, 

   and the foundations of the mountains shook; 

   they trembled because he was angry. 

8 Smoke rose from his nostrils; 

   consuming fire came from his mouth, 

   burning coals blazed out of it. 

9 He parted the heavens and came down; 

   dark clouds were under his feet. 

10 He mounted the cherubim and flew; 

   he soared on the wings of the wind. 

11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him— 

   the dark rain clouds of the sky. 

12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, 

   with hailstones and bolts of lightning. 

13 The LORD thundered from heaven; 

   the voice of the Most High resounded.

14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies, 

   great bolts of lightning and routed them. 

15 The valleys of the sea were exposed 

   and the foundations of the earth laid bare 

at your rebuke, O LORD, 

   at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

 16 HE REACHED DOWN FROM ON HIGH AND TOOK HOLD OF ME; 

   HE DREW ME OUT OF DEEP WATERS. 

17 HE RESCUED ME FROM MY POWERFUL ENEMY, 

   FROM MY FOES, WHO WERE TOO STRONG FOR ME. 

18 THEY CONFRONTED ME IN THE DAY OF MY DISASTER, 

   BUT THE LORD WAS MY SUPPORT. 

19 He brought me out into a spacious place; 

   he rescued me because he delighted in me.

 20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness; 

   according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me. 

21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD; 

   I have not done evil by turning from my God. 

22 All his laws are before me; 

   I have not turned away from his decrees. 

23 I have been blameless before him 

   and have kept myself from sin. 

24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, 

   according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.

 25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful, 

   to the blameless you show yourself blameless, 

26 to the pure you show yourself pure, 

   but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd. 

27 You save the humble 

   but bring low those whose eyes are haughty. 

28 YOU, O LORD, KEEP MY LAMP BURNING; 

   MY GOD TURNS MY DARKNESS INTO LIGHT. 

29 With your help I can advance against a troop; 

   WITH MY GOD I CAN SCALE A WALL.

 30 AS FOR GOD, HIS WAY IS PERFECT; 

   the word of the LORD is flawless. 

HE IS A SHIELD 

   FOR ALL WHO TAKE REFUGE IN HIM. 

31 FOR WHO IS GOD BESIDES THE LORD? 

   AND WHO IS THE ROCK EXCEPT OUR GOD? 

32 It is God who arms me with strength 

   and makes my way perfect. 

33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; 

   he enables me to stand on the heights. 

34 He trains my hands for battle; 

   my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 

35 You give me your shield of victory, 

   and your right hand sustains me; 

   you stoop down to make me great. 

36 You broaden the path beneath me, 

   so that my ankles do not turn.

 37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them; 

   I did not turn back till they were destroyed. 

38 I crushed them so that they could not rise; 

   they fell beneath my feet. 

39 You armed me with strength for battle; 

   you made my adversaries bow at my feet. 

40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, 

   and I destroyed my foes. 

41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them— 

   to the LORD, but he did not answer. 

42 I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind; 

   I poured them out like mud in the streets.

 43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people; 

   you have made me the head of nations; 

   people I did not know are subject to me. 

44 As soon as they hear me, they obey me; 

   foreigners cringe before me. 

45 They all lose heart; 

   they come trembling from their strongholds.

 46 THE LORD LIVES! PRAISE BE TO MY ROCK! 

   EXALTED BE GOD MY SAVIOR! 

47 He is the God who avenges me, 

   who subdues nations under me, 

 48 who saves me from my enemies. 

You exalted me above my foes; 

   from violent men you rescued me. 

49 THEREFORE I WILL PRAISE YOU AMONG THE NATIONS, O LORD; 

   I WILL SING PRAISES TO YOUR NAME. 

50 He gives his king great victories; 

   he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed, 

   to David and his descendants forever.

Of Hymns, Homes and Healers

On My LU6 Elective Rotation in Bethel Baptist Hospital, Malaybalay City, Bukidnon

I first heard of Bethel Baptist Hospital (BBH) in the early days of August last year, from a friend who decided to practice as a generalist there for a year. She sent us an email message, stating in brief her experiences, and encouraging the soon-to-be doctors to consider practicing medicine there. She also mentioned that the hospital, at that time, was in need of additional staff members, so newly graduate physicians would be more than welcome. In addition to that, she was also planning to pursue residency here in the metro, so she, too, would be one less member of the hospital staff. The hospital, she also said, was in the process of expanding from its 50-bed capacity to a 75-bed capacity, “but given the current volume of patients, it’s just not humanly possible to open the new wing without boosting the number of our staff.” And so in line with these things, she tapped the interns to think about going there, or to tap other friends in other medical schools. “Bethel is a good place to practice general medicine especially for young physicians who are taking a time-out before going into residency.”

At that time, I thought of it as nothing more than another opportunity for the new graduates to serve in the rural areas. One of my colleagues, though, thought differently, that maybe it was possible for us who were just students in the medical field to learn there, and so he sought it out as a prospect for his clerkship elective rotation. When his idea hit the rest of us, we also agreed that it would be something indeed if we could go there. It was something different, something new, for all of us. And not wanting to miss the fun with the others, I said I wanted to go, too, without really thinking about it. Of course, for loving parents, the thought of their eldest son, wide-eyed with excitement and impulsiveness, leaving home and traveling to some Southern part of the country where all they hear was war, chaos and kidnappings, was definitely not a good idea, so when I told them about it, my flight of ideas was immediately shot down. Nothing happened for months. Our respective rotations proceeded as scheduled. The prospect of having our electives in Bukidnon, however, resurfaced before the end of last year. And this time, I really had time to think about things.

Personally, I have a strong hunch that God would call me to be a missionary doctor in the future. He first brought it up with me in my last year of undergraduate studies, and I realized then that He wants us who believe in Him to be involved, as small as we are, in His bigger scheme of things. I am certain that He was the One who brought me into a prestigious medical school; my grades surely wouldn’t have gotten me into one. And now I am certain that He wants me to be a doctor. When exactly do I do missions work, and where exactly, I still don’t know. But that’s no reason not to prepare for it early, right? I thought that having my elective in BBH, it being a missions hospital, would be one stepping stone to this. There, perhaps, I would learn how to integrate faith and medicine, that somehow, the two can be put together, that I would learn to heal my patients not only physically, but spiritually. Another reason why I wanted to have my elective there is because I think it’s sort of silly to place myself in the urban area and practice medicine here when we already have more than enough doctors who have established their practices here – unless God says otherwise, of course. There are many people, too, in the rural areas of the country who are in need of healing. So I wanted to know how doctors do it in the provinces, and with this prospect of going to BBH hanging in front of me, I thought that perhaps I can learn it there.

So when all was in order, parents’ permissions included, we pursued that seemingly out-of-this-world idea in the last days of April this year. Instead of new doctors, what they got in BBH were four wide-eyed (well, not exactly; two of us are part Chinese), excited, enthusiastic incoming medical clerks who wanted to take their elective rotation in their hospital. I never got to know their first impression of us when we first arrived. Regardless, they were very warm and welcoming to us. We were met by the doctors, who were now more in number than when we first heard of BBH. We were toured around the hospital, introduced to some of the staff on duty that day, and as we went around, I could not help but be amazed. BBH was not what I imagined a missions hospital would be. Back then, I have only read of a missions hospital in Kenya in East Africa. I was honestly, and mistakenly, expecting that a missions hospital would lack resources, facilities and funds, and would have to improvise with a lot of stuff in order to treat people. Now I know how terribly misguided my assumptions were.

The work that later grew into BBH was started in 1929 by American missionaries, Rev. Henry De Vries and his wife Gladys, who was a nurse. They were the first missionaries to arrive in Bukidnon, challenged to bring the love of Jesus Christ to the unexplored regions of Mindanao. The people native to the region, the Manobos, were afraid to come near them for fear of evil spirits. This resistance, however, melted away when Mrs. De Vries treated children’s wounds and abdominal illnesses, and even delivered babies. Other nurses joined the work in the 1930s. After World War II, the De Vrieses and the nurses continued to minister to the people. They also prayed for a medical doctor to be part of their team so they can extend even more health care to the people. Their prayers were answered when Dr. Lincoln Nelson and his wife Lenore, also a nurse, came in the early 1950s. Other people with the same passion also joined their ranks. In 1953, the first nine-bed capacity clinic was opened, which had surgical, radiological, delivery and nursery facilities. Twenty years later, in November 1973, BBH Inc. was registered with the Philippine Government Securities and Exchange Commission. Other physicians, nurses, medical and radiology technologists came as God guided them. By 1996, the hospital had expanded to a 50-bed capacity with a total of 74 all-Christian personnel. BBH also has won awards such as DOH’s Healthy Hospital Awardee for Region 10 (2003), Philhealth’s Outstanding Secondary Hospital Awardee for Region 10 (2003, 2005, 2008), National Awardee for Exemplary Newborn Baby Screening Implementation (2003), and they also have been given a consistent yearly Excellent Rating in Quality Assurance by the DOH Bureau of Research and Laboratory from 1987 up to present. Today, as a private secondary hospital, it still envisions itself to be a “true and faithful witness of the Lord in the fulfillment of the Great Commission, excelling in medical and health services, treating the total man.” Put simply, to preach the Word, and to heal the sick. They celebrated their 50^th anniversary in 2003.

We formally began our rotation there with assignments in the Out-Patient Department (OPD), in the Emergency Room (ER), and in the Evangelism Department, following around our designated preceptors (for a lack of a better term) and discussing things with them. We accompanied the doctors as they saw patients during their rounds, in the OPD, and when they were on 24-hour duty that day. They hold clinic five times a week; Sundays and Wednesdays are non-clinic days, but the ER and, of course, the in-patient wards are open daily on a 24-hour basis. We saw some of the patients that came to the hospital, took clinical histories and performed physical examinations, reported to the physician on deck, and discussed the cases with them. We were also given opportunities to do procedures, perform vaginal deliveries, and even assist in surgeries. We also participated in the free clinics (more popularly called medical mission) they hold in communities outside the hospital, where people consulted like they do in the OPD, and where young boys get circumcised. The doctors also trained us there in performing circumcision. We also found interesting cases, did researches on them, and presented these to the doctors there. We also joined in their Bible studies before the morning rounds, with the whole staff on Mondays and Thursdays, and with the doctors on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Each of the four of us also took turns in accompanying the hospital chaplain as he preached the word of God in the OPD waiting pavilion, as he visited the admitted patients, kept them company and prayed for them, and even when he needed to go out to meet other pastors. We also joined the staff as they went room-to-room and sang hymns to admitted patients, just to bring them hope and joy. Looking back, we did quite a lot of stuff with the people of BBH. But by the end of our rotation, they have become more than formal preceptors; they have now become mentors to us, and dear friends.

One thing that I forgot to mention was that I was born and raised in Metro Manila, which means that I know just two languages, Filipino/Tagalog and English. Only two days before going our flight did I realize that there was a HUGE language barrier between me and the people there! In the excitement of packing stuff and wondering what it’s like when we get there, I forgot to consider this small aspect of travel. How the heck would I interview patients and tell them what to do? Not to mention interacting with the hospital staff. I searched the internet for the language percentages of the people of Bukidnon: 79% Cebuano, 20% Binukid, and 0.05% English. That’s great. Now what? I didn’t know whether to laugh or to panic (but now I’m just laughing at the thought). I crammed in the next few days what I can learn from websites like Cebuano 101. When we arrived there, I encountered another problem – hearing spoken Cebuano is totally different from reading written Cebuano. We had trouble understanding what people were telling us at the bus station, for starters. As we were later told, most of the people there understand Tagalog, since the local television shows in the country are in Filipino, but they have difficulty speaking it. Fortunately, however, most of the doctors know how to speak Tagalog, as do some of the staff. Some of them have been to Manila themselves. So communication with the hospital staff was really not that difficult; in fact, they were kind enough to help us learn Cebuano/Bisaya, which was the common tongue there. Patients would state their complaints, of course, in the words they know, so we had to know what or where or when they were referring to. I’m glad to say that learning a third language was fun, especially because the people, even the patients, are gracious when a visitor tries to communicate in the native tongue. I enjoyed this, especially as time went on, when we grew more proficient with the language (well, less hopeless than when we first arrived).

In the grounds of BBH and in the company of its people, I saw the fingerprints of the God I worship. My wrong assumptions before I went there just proved that I am still, however subconsciously, placing God in a box, doubting who He is and what He can do. We were stunned when they told us that the hospital buildings were built without loans or debts involved. The resources just come – the finances, the equipments, even the people who are there. The hospital pushes for excellent customer service, with clean floors and hallways, and with courteous and competent staff members. They can even afford to charge lower prices for their services, and, when really called for, issue debt-promissory notes to patients who really have nothing to give. I was nothing short of amazed. One doctor there got it right when she asked, “Why should a missions hospital be any less than any other hospital?”And in my heart, I knew she was right. The people there worship a God who is King in their lives. They wait for God to move, and follow Him when He moves. They do their work so that He will be magnified. BBH is God’s hospital, and because it is His, He is the One who provides the resources for the work to continue and live on.

I also saw how the people of BBH cared for the patients, and for each other. They are like a big family there. During OPD consults and ward rounds, I noted how the doctors really take time to know what ails the patient, to explain it to the patient in terms they can comprehend, and sometimes to reach out and comfort the patient when they are afraid or hopeless. They go beyond the physical infirmity and become healers of the soul. This is something that I hope I will be able to do during the next two years in a hospital that is almost always overwhelmed with the volume of patients. The nurses do their tasks with competency but also with gentleness, something that people with illness find soothing. I have fewer interactions with the staff from the medical records, business office, laboratory, radiology, pharmacy, and maintenance, but on the occasions I interact with them, they were very kind as well. I even heard a patient exclaim that the food being served by the dietary section was delicious and notably not hospital-like. These people are loved by God, and they love and obey God, and God’s love just overflows out of their lives, in their words and in their work. I am deeply humbled by their testimony.

What I noticed about the people of BBH that made them very dear to me is that they are very gracious (an alternative term I like to use is “grace-extensive”, because they extend grace more often than I usually see in people). Grace is a gift that is not deserved by the recipient, but is given nonetheless. It is more than mercy (which is just like cancelling an unpaid debt), in that the giver gives something that is irrationally good to the recipient. And that is what I experienced there that made them so endearing – because I saw in them the character that I always find in Jesus Christ. I am still inadequate in my skills as a medical student, and in my character as a person, but they saw that God was not done with me yet, and that I was human like them, prone to make mistakes. I know that these things are not taken lightly in our society, especially in the medical field, and that I probably would see less of this grace extended to me when I return here in the metro. And so I cherish them for that.

Final words? Oh, there’s much more to say about the things I learned there, but I shall end this here because of the present constraints. What can I say to people who have accepted me as one of their own within a month of knowing me? I say this, that I’m going to miss them, and that place. And indeed I already do. BBH has been a second home for me, a place of rest and renewal. I miss the warmth of the people in contrast with the cool weather, and the daily reminders of who God is in the people who belong to Him. Even I myself was healed in my heart when I was with them. I miss being in their company. I pray that the only change in each of their hearts would be that their passion for Jesus would increase more so. And I pray earnestly that the things I learned there would not leave me, but would stay with me as I complete my training as a physician. Whether I am to go back? Now that is something for God to decide, and if He should lead me back, I shall gladly follow Him.

                                               justthesame

When he's done all he could but it never seemed enough,

When it seems that all he's ever done were all the wrong stuff,

Would you love him still, and love him just the same?

Would you love him still, and love him just the same?

When it seems that all you ever had was naught and nothing more,

And you're starting to wonder if it's still worth fighting for,

Would you love her still, and love her just the same?

Would you love her still, and love her just the same?

When there's no more sun and the pouring rain seems endless,

And you just don't understand why life is such a mess,

Would you trust Him still, and want to glorify His name?

Would you love Him still, and love Him just the same?

When you're at the end of your rope and you're on the floor,

When nobody seems to care 'cause you've got nothing more,

Know that Jesus wants you still, and will gently speak your name,

Know that He loves you still, and loves you just the same.

Blog Transplant 3

I don't like cooking.